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Posts Tagged ‘Anger’

Terror And Rage: It’s Ramadan And The Muslims Are Hangry

Posted by addisethiopia / አዲስ ኢትዮጵያ on June 29, 2016

 AngryMo

You may have noticed that something is disturbing the balmy tranquility of the great British summer at the moment. Uber drivers are swerving more dangerously than usual, BMW owners are angrily shouting at old ladies to hurry up on the Zebra crossings and, if you drive through some neighbourhoods you can even see gangs of youths looking longingly through the windows of fried chicken shops. It’s an annual phenomenon that can only can mean one thing: Ramadan is once again upon us. 

If you’re not already familiar with the intricacies of the Islamic holy month, Ramadan is a 30 day “fast” when Muslims are supposed to demonstrate self-control, spiritual discipline, and submission to the will of Allah. It’s also a time of year when emergency services around the world are overwhelmed by a huge spike in anti-social behaviour and crime – people call it “Ramadan rage.”

Don’t just take the word of this white, non-Muslim columnist.

Last year, Asian Image, a newspaper that bills itself as “the voice of the British Asian” published a vivid account of the verbally abusive parents, road rage, angry smokers, zombified fasters, and domestic abuse around that hits British streets each year.

You see, Ramadan isn’t a really fast, it’s more like a month-long festival of dehydration interspersed with heavy binging. From sunrise to sunset, all healthy Muslims are supposed to abstain from eating, drinking, smoking, swearing, gossiping, and having sex – basically everything fun. However, there is one big caveat – once it’s dark, everything goes.

As soon as the sun sets, Muslims guzzle down all the sugary crap they’ve been craving all day, take a short break for prayers, then return to bloating themselves.

The effects of this gruelling annual ritual have been widely studied.man-eating-bbq-ribs Researchers say those taking part risk migraines, dehydration, dizziness, tachycardia, nausea, circulatory collapse… and even gout, owing to a build-up of uric acid. Indigestion caused by the binge eating is also a concern – as is weight gain: Muslims often pile on the pounds during Ramadan.

But aside from these medical risks, and more pertinent to the emergency services and law and order, is the not so surprising side effect of not eating, drinking, or smoking in the daytime: irritability that can spill over into violence.

Short-temperedness doesn’t just affect abstainers during the first few days of self-denial; rather, irritability increases continuously throughout the month, leading to shorter and shorter fuses as Eid al-Fitr, the blow-out party to mark the end of the fast, approaches.

One of the most expansive studies of this annual crime wave in Algeria revealed petty crime increased by a staggering 220 percent during Ramadan. Fights, disputes, and assaults rose by 320 per cent and instances of women and children being beaten at home increased by 120 per cent. In addition, there was a 410 per cent increase in accidents of various kinds and an 80 per cent increase in deaths.

The findings of the Algerian study are widely corroborated throughout the Islamic world. From Egypt to Indonesia, recorded violent crime increases by incredible percentages throughout the period. In addition, Ramadan spawns specific crimes all its own: for example child traffickers in Yemen, take advantage of the increase in food prices to purchase children from poor parents.

In Muslim countries, governments prepare for Ramadan by boosting police patrols and carrying out public awareness campaigns about crime and the increase in accidents that are also a regular fixture of the fast.

They also accept that a sizeable drop in productivity will be inevitable (at the moment the volume of shares trading on Dubai’s DFM General Index is at about half what it normally is) and they take into account that their citizens aren’t going to be firing on all cylinders.

Many Muslim countries officially cut the working day by a couple of hours and it’s accepted that employees are going to need plenty of down time. School hours are usually cut as well as from the age of around seven, children are also expected to take part in the fasting.

Another way Muslim countries make Ramadan bearable for their citizens is to enshrine it in law – it’s much easier to submit to Allah’s will when the police are on his side. Already this year Indonesia has carried out raids on food sellers who dared to carry out business during the daylight and reports are coming in from Pakistan of a constable who beat a Hindu man for eating before the sun went down.

Church burnings are also a given during Ramadan

But it’s not just religious minorities in Muslim countries who are attacked: it happens here, too. In 2010, a man was brutally beaten in Tower Hamlets by a gang of young Muslim men for not observing Ramadan. He was battered unconscious and left with serious injuries. No one was charged over the incident, leading to accusations that the police suppressed evidence because they feared being accused of “racism” or “Islamophobia.”

And woe betide any Muslim that is perceived to be falling short of the mark. Earlier this month a barmaid was punched the face in France for doing her job and serving alcohol in a bar.

Of course, the emergency services in the UK, hamstrung by political correctness, are more reticent to publicly acknowledge the challenges posed by Ramadan.

That’s not to say there aren’t figures available, if you dig for them: a study by the Accident and Emergency Department of St Mary’s Hospital, London revealed a significant rise in the number of Muslims attending accident and emergency in Ramadan. This increase in road traffic accidents and other sorts of unfortunate incidents is hardly surprising, given that sustained fasting dramatically affects cognitive function.

Despite the clear risk to the public, British police forces are reluctant to step up. Only in Bradford have the police admitted that the holy month produces an increase in crime. Though they have been advised by local community leaders that the increase is probably down to youths “taking advantage of the fact their parents could be occupied with observing Ramadan.”

Muslims living in Europe and the U.S. are more likely to succumb to the side effects of Ramadan, and not just because everywhere they turn other people are wolfing down packets of crisps. The big problem is that the month of Ramadan is based on the Islamic lunar calendar – it starts 11 days earlier each year.

This wouldn’t have been such a big deal in medieval Arabia, but in 21st century Northern Europe it matters a lot, not least because this year Ramadan coincides with the Northern Hemisphere’s summer equinox. That means Muslims living in Britain have to fast for around 19 hours during the hottest days of the year.

You would think the sensible thing to do here would be to make some judicious compromises – for instance, basing the fasting times on the sunrise and sunset in Mecca would both allow for religious duties to be fulfilled while keeping the worst symptoms of Ramadan rage in check. But when it comes to religious dogma, few Muslims are willing to err from literal interpretations of their holy text.

Instead of finding a middle ground, Western Muslims have a habit of demanding other people bend over backwards to accommodate their customs. And we’re not just talking about people throwing hissy fits on Twitter because they couldn’t deal with Tesco stacking crates of refreshing Budweiser at the end of the Ramadan isle.

GCSE and A-level exams have already been re-scheduled this year because they clashed with Ramadan, but the Muslim Council of Britain don’t think that’s going far enough. In an extraordinary document sent to teachers, they say that solution for hungry and thirsty kids not being able to concentrate in school is not to send them to the canteen. Apparently the “overriding consideration” should be that “children do not feel disadvantaged in school activities because of their religious observances.” The Muslim Council goes on to warn teachers that no oral medication can be taken by fasting pupils, medical injections should not “ influence body nutrition” and that swimming could be an issue because a child could accidentally ingest a bit of water.

The Muslim Council goes on to warn teachers that no oral medication can be taken by fasting pupils, medical injections should not “influence body nutrition” and that swimming could be an issue because a child could accidentally ingest water.

Forcing seven-year-olds not to eat or drink for 19 hours during summer isn’t tantamount to child abuse – it is child abuse. And yet in British schools, in 2016, that is exactly what is happening with blessing of senior establishment figures. The Association of School and College Leaders that represents head teachers and college principals released a paper this year warning that “schools and colleges should not dictate to children or their families” how they should observe Ramadan.

Even the NHS can’t bring itself to condemn the fast, saying in its official Ramadan guidance that while withholding food and water for 19 hours to children under the age of seven or eight isn’t “advisable,” it can be “tolerated differently, depending on the attitude of the parents.”

Is it any wonder that some British Muslims, who have been forced to sit dehydrated year after year through school as the decadent infidel children around the greedily quaff down bottles of water, come to hate their country?

Every time blood runs on the streets of Europe or a knife-wielding jihadiRamadan-Bombathon-2016 with a north-London accent pops up on YouTube there’s a lot of earnest talk about alienation of Muslims from society.

Yet no seems to want to talk about Ramadan.

Could there be anything more isolating for a young Muslim than undertaking forced starvation in the heat of Summer while everyone else sips Pimms in the park?

It’s a serious issue that needs addressing, because Ramadan is starting to bring something far scarier than ratty drivers and spaced-out school children to the Western world: Ramadan terror.

The Orlando terrorist who murdered 50 people in a nightclub. The Paris terrorist who live streamed his murder of a policeman and his wife in front of their infant son. This morning’s deadly attack in Turkey. They’re just the latest installments of Ramadan terror.

And terrifyingly these could be just the tip of the terrorist iceberg this Ramadan season. Belgium is on a virtual lockdown as the fear of attacks grips the city.

It’s no coincidence that these Muslim killers are striking now. And it’s not because they’re in need of a Snickers – in fact by carrying out Jihad they are immune from the diktats of Ramadan and are free to fuel up on carbs and fizzy drinks before they carry out their atrocities.

You see, for Muslim terrorists Ramadan itself is already a type of Jihad, in the sense that it is supposed to be a time of inner spiritual struggle. Mix in the zeal that religious piety has a habit of breeding, the desire to make the ultimate sacrifice for Allah, some egging on from ISIS, and it doesn’t take much for them to up the ante to violent jihad.

Source

Istanbul Bombing Is Latest in Spate of Jihadist Ramadan Attacks

— Sweden: Muslim screaming “Allahu akbar” destroys Malmo church

— Norway: Merkel Muslims break out in mass brawl at asylum shelter

— Germany: Migrants Burn Down Asylum Centre After Not Receiving Ramadan Wake Up Call

— Nigeria: Muslim Youths stab Christian Man for not fasting

Ethiiopia: Simultaneous Muslim Attacks on Ethiopian and Egyptian Orthodox Christians

Egypt: ‘Don’t Eat in Public’: Ramadan Edict Angers Egyptians

NoFoodDuring the holy month of Ramadan, discipline over food is very much on the minds of those observing the fast. Which is why there was a passionate reaction to a Facebook post on the subject, by a leading Islamic body in Egypt.

Dar al-Ifta, which is a government body authorised to issue religious edicts, wrote a Facebook post on 5 June strongly forbidding people of all faiths from eating publicly in Ramadan before the sunset – (fasting is typically broken when the sun goes down). The edict that was posted on their official page.

The post read: “Eating publicly during the day in Ramadan is not within the personal freedoms of a person. It’s a type of anarchy and an attack on the sacredness of Islam. Eating publicly during the day in Ramadan is sinning in public. This is forbidden, as well as offending public taste and decency in Muslim countries. It’s also a flagrant violation of the sanctity of society and the right of its sacred beliefs to be respected.”

It’s been shared over 5,000 times and liked over 10,000. And there was a lot of anger.

Some commentators said the content of the edict was “fascist” and even close to the ideology of the strict interpretation of Islam by the so-called Islamic State group.

One Egyptian wrote: “Is this the faith that you would like to spread among people? Are you willing to spread violence in order to apply our God’s words?…If God is giving people the freedom of choice, who has given you the right to force people to religion”.

Others were upset because the post didn’t acknowledge those who aren’t observing Ramadan, like Coptic Christians. One comment “Is Egypt limited only to Muslims? There are Muslims, Christians, Baha’is, atheists and non-religious.”

In Egypt, alongside the Muslim majority, analyst say around 10-15% of the 84 million Egyptians are Coptic Christians.

Some Egyptian commentators mocked the post and demanded a similar treatment for Christians during their fasting time (Lent, before Easter) by closing all dairy, meat and chicken shops.

Others demanded that other public behaviour such as “public arrests, embezzlement” by the authorities or public figures should face similar sanctions from the Islamic body.

This is not the first time such incidents have happened in Egypt during Ramadan. In June this year security forces reportedly closed a number of cafes that work during the daytime of Ramadan, prompting a similar angry reaction on social media.

In most of the Arab countries the majority of people, (regardless of their religious background), do not eat publicly during Ramandan. In a number of these countries such as the UAE, Saudi Arabia and Qatar there are laws that prohibit people from eating publicly. The Interior Ministry of Saudi Arabia also warned in 2014 that that it would deport non-Muslim expatriates found eating and drinking in public during Ramadan.

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Posted in Conspiracies, Faith, Infos | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Pretty Women ‘anger more easily’

Posted by addisethiopia / አዲስ ኢትዮጵያ on January 21, 2010



Attractive women may have the competitive edge by letting their temper flare more, research suggests.

Researchers found women who rated themselves as pretty displayed a war-like streak when fighting battles to get their own way.

The University of California interviewed 156 female students to gauge their temperament and how they handled conflict.

The findings appear in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

In the study, the women who believed they were good looking were more likely to respond angrily in disputes than those who rated themselves as less attractive.

Attractive women also had higher expectations of what they deserved.

Survival of the fittest

These were strategies that appeared to work because the same women were better at resolving situations in their favour.

When the researchers, led by Dr Aaron Sell, scrutinised the findings further, they found how attractive other people rated the women also tallied.

And so did hair colour – with blondes rated as more attractive than brunettes and redheads.

The researchers believe the findings have an evolutionary basis, ensuring that the “fittest” people mate and have offspring.

In men, they found a similar link but with physical strength rather than attractiveness per se.

Consultant psychologist Ingrid Collins, of The London Medical Centre, said the latest findings were interesting but should be interpreted with caution.

“This is a small study on a very limited sample group so it is not possible to generalise.”

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Posted in Life, Psychology | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Controlling Anger

Posted by addisethiopia / አዲስ ኢትዮጵያ on October 27, 2008

 

Controlling Anger — Before It Controlls You 

 

Source: American Psychological Association (APA)

We all know what anger is, and we’ve all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger.

What is Anger?

The Nature of Anger

Anger is “an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage,” according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

Expressing Anger

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

On the other hand, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

As Dr. Spielberger notes, “when none of these three techniques work, that’s when someone—or something—is going to get hurt.”

Anger Management

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can’t get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

Are You Too Angry?

There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?

According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more “hotheaded” than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don’t show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don’t always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can’t take things in stride, and they’re particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we’re taught that it’s all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don’t learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.

Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.

Is It Good To “Let it All Hang Out?”

Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that “letting it rip” with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you’re angry with) resolve the situation.

It’s best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.

Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay

Relaxation

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Some simple steps you can try:

  • Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won’t relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your “gut.”

  • Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax,” “take it easy.” Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.

  • Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.

  • Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you’re in a tense situation.

Cognitive Restructuring

Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you’re angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, “oh, it’s awful, it’s terrible, everything’s ruined,” tell yourself, “it’s frustrating, and it’s understandable that I’m upset about it, but it’s not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow.”

Be careful of words like “never” or “always” when talking about yourself or someone else. “This !&*%@ machine never works,” or “you’re always forgetting things” are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there’s no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.

Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won’t make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is “not out to get you,” you’re just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it’ll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don’t get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren’t met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, “I would like” something is healthier than saying, “I demand” or “I must have” something. When you’re unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn’t mean the hurt goes away.

Problem Solving

Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it’s a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn’t always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.

Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn’t come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

Better Communication

Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you’re in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your “significant other” wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don’t retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.

It’s natural to get defensive when you’re criticized, but don’t fight back. Instead, listen to what’s underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don’t let your anger—or a partner’s—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.

Using Humor

“Silly humor” can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you’re at work and you think of a coworker as a “dirtbag” or a “single-cell life form,” for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague’s desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.

The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is “things oughta go my way!” Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!

When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you’ll also realize how unimportant the things you’re angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don’t try to just “laugh off” your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don’t give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that’s just another form of unhealthy anger expression.

What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it’s often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.

Changing Your Environment

Sometimes it’s our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the “trap” you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.

Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some “personal time” scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes “nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire.” After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.

Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself

Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you’re tired, or distracted, or maybe it’s just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don’t turn into arguments.

Avoidance: If your child’s chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don’t make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don’t say, “well, my child should clean up the room so I won’t have to be angry!” That’s not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.

Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that’s less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.

Do You Need Counseling?

If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.

When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn’t only a course of action designed to “put you in touch with your feelings and express them”—that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used.

What About Assertiveness Training?

It’s true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don’t feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn’t something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.

Remember, you can’t eliminate anger—and it wouldn’t be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can’t change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.

 

 

Posted in Psychology | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

 
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